A Sliver of Peace
EARLY MORNING STILLNESS
Today I awoke early. The house was blessedly quiet and I answered the small voice within me that called out for creative expression. The smallest crescent of a moon glowed in my mind and within it, harbored a warm tranquility.
Amidst the jumble of packages, the tangle of ribbons and the scramble to gift; the inner wrappings of my heart sought peace, crave calm. I closed my eyes and envisioned a warm light, a sliver of soothing suspended in the endless deep dark of night. Peace. Love. Truth. Hope. Togetherness. Connection. Clarity. . .
I love this time of year, the fullness of it that expands the very fiber of my being. My heart swells with love as I take time to appreciate those around me. I enjoy creating calendars, wrapping presents, writing notes of appreciation to those who bless my life. The music of the season transcends time, bringing me back to my childhood, then to days of old, then forward deeply into the moment that is now.
But, I would be lying if I left the narrative at that. My inner voices of “should” question if I’ve done enough, nag about all of the people I might have left out. My capitalistic consumer calls in the wee hours of the morning when, weary from an evening of crafting, I check my email one last time only to stumble onto an advertisement for that “last chance, gotta’ have it” purchase. I click here and then there and before I know it, I’ve got eight items in my cart, none of which was necessary nor will they be the last. I wonder, just who am I doing all of this for?
If I’m honest, some of it is for me. I enjoy being generous, giving gifts that I know others will appreciate. But that is not the whole story. Sometimes I’m tired and I don’t really want to be doing all that I’m doing. So why do it? It reminds me of a concept that Brene Brown speaks about: B.I.G. (Boundaries, Integrity, Generosity). The general idea is that it is only by maintaining our boundaries and staying in our integrity that we can be truly generous. So, if I’m writing holiday cards to a whole host of friends and family all the while I’m resenting the time it takes, I’m not acting with generosity because I’m not honoring my own boundaries. I contemplated this as I invited our children to personally sign all of the cards this year. As I watched them both labor over their signatures, I observed myself flying from one card to the next. Then, I paused, took a breath and began envisioning each signature as a personal message to my loved ones. Each time I put pen to paper to inscribe the “J” in my name, I sent hope & love & peace. I discovered that my message was resounding deep within me as well. My shoulders relaxed, my heartbeat slowed. Signing the cards became a meditation of sorts, an act of grace.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I also loved the sense of accomplishment when they were all finished. It was with deep satisfaction that I dropped them off at the post office. They were all neatly addressed, stamped & sealed—but this year, when I discovered that I had forgotten to buy return address labels, I opted not to spend the time hand writing them. I realized that it just wasn’t that important. I didn’t want them back if the addresses were incorrect and I would rather spend the time laughing with my children. So, I released them under the care of the USPS without a tether.
I’m getting better at listening to my own boundaries, at honoring my own integrity. It always requires stillness. That is why I could feel gratitude for the sickness in my household that drove me to bed early last night so that I could awake to my own sliver of peace this morning. It reminded me to honor what is important within myself, to find a stable stepping stone amidst the turbulent water, to answer the call to create. What will you discover when you allow yourself a moment of stillness?